To read the poem, click here.
This is a poem from my poem book Red. Writing Red was an amazing experience. What inspired me to write Red was contemplation on term “erotic”. What is the meaning of word erotic?
It’s hard to classify something as erotic. Erotic often refers to experience including sex. Yet sex isn’t necessarily erotic. Most of time, sex is temporal bonding of flesh. Erotic sex, on the other hand is totally different.
What makes a sexual experience erotic? What makes sex different than erotic sex?
Here, the nature of sex through values such as morals, categories of good and evil, will not be discussed. Here, sex is discussed as a phenomenon.
Sex requires at least two or more participants. It’s probably impossible to determine why people have sex. Psychological and personal motives for having sex are often not understandable by participants themselves.
As a category of human act, true nature of sex is hard to determine. While we understand it biologically, we fail to understand it as a phenomenon. There are myriads of such phenomena, which can’t be completely defined. We can describe it though. We can describe it from a case study of such and similar experiences.
When I look back at my first sexual experiences, I can’t say that they were erotic. On contrary, I was just having sex. I’m not blaming the girls. I think the problem was within me. I lacked knowledge, not just in department of treating women, but treating myself right. I didn’t know what erotic was.
I tried to be on my best towards girls I slept with. With each of them I succeeded in failing over and over again. Somehow, we get acquainted for a period of time, and then the relationship disperses. I didn’t understand that. It seemed to me like I didn’t understand them as persons. Yet it wasn’t that. I tried to get to know them. It wasn’t enough.
As the relationships and encounters piled up, I started noticing something. All those encounter shared a common trait. They were like game. You pick a person that you share infatuation with, then you try to strike an agreement. After that, you indulge in all kinds of fun, passion, etc. At some point, I wanted to try something different. I understood that attitude such as mine had too many flaws. I thought I treated women right, but clearly, that wasn’t the case. How do you treat people right?
These emotions boiled within. It all escalated after a drunk one night stand with girl I barely knew. I kind of like her, and didn’t thought for a second she liked me. It was the opposite, I thought she didn’t like me. The whole scene was somewhat out of a movie, bizarre one on top of that. We were drunk and on drugs and it was cool at first. Then it felt wrong. Dissatisfied with sleight of hand dealt to me, I decided I wanted to turn things around. First, I promised myself I won’t have sex with strangers anymore. Hoping into strangers bed, just to feel something, I find to be wrong for either men or women.
I wanted something different. I wanted to stop being empty. It hurts being empty. I stood strong in my decision. After two months I met a girl, with which I almost immediately decided on hooking up. While I didn’t stay entirely true to my decision, I treated her differently. I wanted to explore her, as a being.
I asked her to tell me about herself. What is she feeling? What does she desires? What makes her tick? What can I do to make it better for here?
With solid foundation, we could begin. I listened, attentively. As I opened to her in that manner, she could be more honest with me. Honesty was so rewarding. There was no fear or prejudice, considering the fact that we were honest with each other. She told me about her cravings and fantasies, and I told her about mine. We had a conversation about it and decided what’s in play for both of us. After, one of best sexual experiences of my life ensued. What was different? I was passionately attentive to her.
Don’t get me wrong, but I believe that I was unaware of my duty. Not as a man, but as a lover. I didn’t knew erotic experiences, because I never tried. Or if I did, I didn’t do it the right way. Counter argument is instantly available. What gives me the right to say what is the right way to make love? Maybe I’m wrong. However, true nature of all human acts can rarely be defined. In fact, founded and argued on my own experience I can say that this works for me. What made that girl special for me was in all other girls I previously had sex with. I didn’t know where to look for it. I searched for it in all the wrong places.
People are already beautiful, most are blind to see it.
A question occurred, raising me from my slumber. If I treat her right, if I show her my passion and attentiveness, can I do that in other aspects of life? Can I show the same attitude towards other things in my life to make them better? I could try. I did. It worked.
Nature of spirituality – Poetry and sex
While sex is one of the greatest experiences human beings can have, is it spiritual? It is if it’s erotic. On Chants from other side of the Moon, erotic experiences are those which allows man to reach a state of artfulness. Not art itself, but artfulness. That means to be completely emerged in what you are doing and enjoy it just because of it. Spirituality leads to that.
What about poetry? What kind of connection poetry and sex share? Through different articles I referred to poetry as discovery of self. But is it that exclusive to poetry? Or are all things through which we can discover ourselves, and be passionately attentive with spiritual in their nature? I believe they are.
Poetry and sex both reveal our true nature – Whether you write poetry or have sex, the depth of experience resides within level of your involvement. If you spend hours writing and reading, developing your style, you’ll probably be very good at writing poetry. If you take time to learn your partner, carry yourself with attitude of passion and attention, be observant of their needs and cater to them, you’ll probably be a good lover. This leads to conclusion that even if sex and poetry are entirely different activities, they share one thing. People will enjoy those activities as much as they invest themselves in them.
Poetry requires passion and attention from writer to be good. If you are attentive to understanding poetry and passionate to write it, how can you be wrong? Are you an artist? Well, that’s up for discussion. But are you artful? Are you practicing artfulness? Are you leaping into the hands of fate asking for nothing and glowing like Spring-Sun? Yes you are.
Sex also requires your attentiveness and passion. If you are attentive to your partners needs and you are passionately delivering, how can you be wrong? Aren’t you going to make them feel great? Aren’t you going to feel great? Isn’t that art by itself? For sure it’s artfulness in practice. Two people with nothing, bonding in flesh, trying to reach light of being from each other. That makes you artful.
If these activities, totally different share this trait, does that make all experiences possibly erotic? I believe it does. It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you try to master it through spirituality.
Spirituality is your gate towards any personal achievement. Whatever you may wish, you can get through spirituality. The greatest reward of spirituality isn’t unlocking the secrets of universe, being able to sense energies or open chakras. I don’t understand those things and I won’t comment on them. My view on spirituality allows you to unlock the secrets of self. Not in form of precepts, commandments or speculative fragments of knowledge. The message I’m trying to convey is that you are your own truth. Only you can truly know yourself. Only you can learn and change yourself. Only you can bring happiness to yourself. Only you can be erotic. Pursue that and you’ll become spiritual. You’ll be happy.
Michael of Moon
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