A lot of times people label themselves. They don’t seem to be able to live without labels. . I find this to be very wrong.
The spirit economics aren’t about becoming a guru, buddha, going to heaven and such. In reality I find my practice to be more down to earth than that. When I was a teenager I wanted to find God. Now, this may sound insane, but that’s how it was. After extensive reading on topics of religion, spirituality and practices I was ready to embark on a spiritual journey.
As a youth I couldn’t control myself. My hunger, sexual and aggressive was overwhelming. It felt abnormal. Giving up was not an option. Urgency to change was too strong. The brooding sense of monstrous need, penetrating, escaping skin and taking form in my actions terrified me. I was prisoner of my thoughts. Destructive as I was, I still wanted to change. How? How can I make it? How can I make it when I compare myself to Buddha, Christ or Guru? I can’t and I won’t. I can chase them as my ideals, but they aren’t human. Jesus is God and so is Buddha. Guru is someone who by definition attains special kind of knowledge that is different than regular human experience. I was 17. How was I supposed to make it?
I didn’t. I tried, stumbled, failed. It was too much. They are Gods, I’m a boy. Already, I imagined myself as a person secluded in its violence. Smothered to tar by devouring hunger, digesting myself as everyone have left my life. As I struggled to retain composure, fear swallowed me. How will I make it?
I resisted. I fight. Always had and always will. Giving up wasn’t an option. At least I accepted that I had issues. It would be far worse if I didn’t accept it. How will I make it?
Literary, I decided to create a plan to fight this. Most of all, I had to pull one move that will ensure that my plan will work. I had to have right and realistic motivation. I decided not to label myself or seek that which I can never become. I would like to interview people in Buddhism and see how many of them reached enlightenment? How many Christians are true sons of their Sheperd? Not many I assure you. This is because we are drawn to labels not meant for us. Face it, it’s hard being godlike in a mortal body, yet breathe the everlasting world.
After I decided that I will pursue being the best version of me, I felt something. It was great. My soul, my heart were suspended. Heavy, moist with remorse, mudded I was. Drug seduction. Weakened to sleep, dreaming purple before the white abduction. Light came, sky opened. Moon shined, as light, my saviour hailed me. Bit by a bit, it was spring with flower of blossom. I chose to be the best I can be and help others. I wanted to live like that. I wanted to be Moonborn. That’s how I did it.
Conviction that allowed me to change had to be realistic. That’s the main point of spirit economics. Don’t search for what you can’t never become. Be what suits your heart the most. Be what makes you happy. Live that. But most importantly don’t fall prey to what other people are telling you. Even when given the best advice don’t forget to ask yourself. How will I make it?
Michael of Moon
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